As I reflect on my own sensitivity to my own emotions towards my environment, it feels as if there’s a loss of words on how much intense the feeling is. Especially when someone is speaking intently towards me. I tend to take some time to process the appropriate way to respond. Taking time to peel the layers as they speak. So it may seem like I’m staring at the person blankly but in effect I’m actually gathering their perspective as well as formulating my version of that narrative in my head. So if you see me speaking less as you speak, it is the reason why. Not as disrespect and not as a slower way of thinking. It is a lot of work internally going on to emotionally justify my response for myself and that is my emotional intelligence building my resilience so far through years of healing. The dissection of my emotions at any time happens on the fly of a conversation and can be relayed on my face almost instantaneously through my facial expressions of eye brows narrowed or forehead pinched or nostrils flared when thinking hard. It is no offense to the person speaking to me in all honesty. It behooves me of the ability to dissipate the energy intensity of the person speaking to me and dampen the response I’m formulating to keep the calmness for my own benefit to relay my response in a stable manner. I continue to hone this skill I developed during my therapist years. It enables me to stay neutral as much as possible to blissfully maintain the peace in the situation while communicating my needs effectively. It takes effort and practice as I do this and I fixate on keeping the peace however much the other person is energized about that topic. This is how I articulate saying “no” by relaxing my thought process, removing myself out of the equation, putting myself in the speaker’s shoes and come back with an effective no so they understand I took the effort to see things from their angle and it did not pan out as they expected – so I back the argument with data from my own experience. It is not always possible to go this experience route and in those cases I back my argument with research data. 

I do have a way of doing things based on my intuition – my long term planning comes from this space. It feels comfortable to me as I rely heavily on this sense to build trust with people. My rapport building phase is reliant on my intuition and emotional attunement to the other person. Granted this is definitely a hard picture to paint in reality to describe effectively – however, it is the way the emotional side of me encourages me to dissect a relationship in a more experiential way rather than altogether cerebral line of thinking. Merriment in using my right brain helps me feel the feelings fully and immerse myself in an artistic passionate way that has gathered confidence in experiencing the fullness of the moment in a mindful compassionate way towards others. This empathy was something I honed in as a therapist over the last 7 years and have been continuing to do so iteratively throughout my relationships ever since. People who I’ve interacted with since have only found that the authenticity in my relationships helped me connect with them better. So something must have gone right there I believe :)! I like to take  pride in genuine authentic relationships ever since I was a child. It meant to me that I relate my true self to the other person in front of me than a made up version that pleases the other person. I did struggle with the pleasing version during my past romantic relationship as a coping mechanism. However I’ve effectively unlearned that in my current relationship to awaken my sincere spirit to be genuine and true to myself every day. I’m not so fond of the fake it to make it perspective – I’ve never been able to fully live that mentality – which is why I struggle with diving into something I don’t fully enjoy or can completely do to the truest of my abilities. I feel vulnerable as I write that and feel completely honest as I said that as well. 

Understanding that I’m not naturally assertive as a child was an important self awareness for me. Being able to dig deeper into finding out why this meant I need to learn the skill which I continue to hone on enabled me to figure out that I would put in an effort to train myself on assertiveness skills. I continue to practice that in a gentle and firm manner with people who are difficult in my life as well as familial relationships whenever I need to set firm boundaries. Engaging myself in arguments has never been fruitful and will never be for me. So in order to circumvent that, I state that is a problem I can’t solve and be honest about it and this is where considering my vulnerability as power helps me per Ms Brene Brown. I feel comfortable in my body like a release of pressure from my chest and head as I do that – this way I dont take on than I can chew. This is a way that has worked for me with 1:1s with my managers as well where I comfortably say what I’m able to achieve and not which helps them identify what’s doable and not by me as an individual contributor and help resolve issues around that. This way I communicated effectively my charter and helped pave the way for the rest of team to engage as needed. I did say no to some of the projects that came my way during social work internships especially children under the age of 3 who had experienced trauma. Since I have young kids and I can’t personally see them in trouble, I could not support them in a therapeutic setting as it sincerely triggered me. I feel comfortable owning this vulnerability in my services and hence only handle the adult population for me to have a therapeutic relationship with. I did engage in therapy to tune my assertiveness skills by role playing with my therapist in session to practice saying no in kinder gentler ways – such as “No thank you” or “I’m sorry I’m unable to do that at this point” was my way of saying it most often.  I understand many people say apologizing is not necessary however as a recovering people pleaser it helps me to say this in a gentler way and move on knowing I didn’t come off aggressive. I do say no to my kids all the time whenever they ask for every which toy in the world – after  point they know that that does not work with me – as I’m firm on buying only toy as needed when they have worn out their already existing ones. I say “no promises on getting them” in those times and that has generally helped my daughter see that tone and statement and get the hint that mom’s not going to budge on that decision. She guides the younger one if he’s being difficult with me as well as she’s empathizing with him in that level. So we have a tag team approach to resolving getting too many toys in the house that is more than’s needed. This is an ongoing journey with things that are not than essential – helps keep our clutter to the minimal. 

Inhibitions in stating my desires or needs was something I had to unlearn and continue to unlearn on a day to day basis. It may have been years of hierarchical nature of culture in my family that I did not have the space to communicate my needs ever in my family system as I grew up. This is something I continue to practice as an adult through my learnings in my adult relationships through therapy that it is important to be direct in your needs. I put down my needs in words and communicate through text mostly which seems to be helping the non confrontational aspects. If the discussion needs face to face I take it then but most often a start with a text helps to keep the mood light and non confrontational for me personally. This way the offline communication helps to sync whenever they are free as well and report any concerns after they see the message and usually entails a call if there are any concerns or if more, entails a face to face in person as I live close by to my family. Making my needs met has been a continuing struggle within my life, mostly due to the difficulties I face as a people pleaser. This is something of a growing edge for me. I feel vulnerable as I type this and state this for myself as a place of growth for me. 

I find myself fending off negative energy all day. I do this by playing calming music from the start of the day with a small prayer before that. The calming music keeps me grounded enough to do my work. I sometimes light a scented candle or incense stick to keep the air smelling nice in the moment and grounding myself through my sense of smell. I especially do this during my sessions when the content can be intense – so I set this up before my sessions begin. I have a soft cushion under my feet to feel the soft felt to keep my grounded with the sense of touch. I have a gentle white light in my work desk that helps me stay bright and positive in the day enough to be easy on the eyes while illuminating my work space as well. I use a drink of tea with mild caffeine in it to ground myself in between sessions through the sense of taste as well. This helps me ground me through my work day and during the rest of my day I use gentle movement like yoga and walks to help me stay grounded that way and fend off the negative energy through gentle movement that feels good to my mind and body. As an HSP, I feel this helps me stay positive through my day knowing that I acknowledge this aspect in my personality being significant enough to need nurturing.  

Depression comes and goes with me identifying as an HSP and the times that they do arise, I feel that there is a fine balance of knowing when to stay away from triggers. I usually need to up my self care with those days and it feels more relaxing to know that I have activities in my life planned for those elements throughout my day. Yoga and walks are my mandatory goto along with a good rom com to unwind. I journal at the end of every day to be thankful and be mindful of my daily emotions as well. These coping mechanisms let me know that I have a sense of agency around my mental health. The way these coping mechanisms support me on tough days and good days are varied in their own ways – however I know when I’ve missed on some days these elements need to be brought back. I jot down my thoughts some days to identify if they are negative and if they are I usually process them through a CBT thought record and dissect it the best way possible. Most days it is just free writing my thoughts to reflect and rejuvenate my senses in a cerebral fashion that is my goto as a personally predominantly rational thinker. Journaling gives me pleasure and I take space for myself to unwind this way. It includes things that I was grateful for that day as well, forming the option of a gratitude journal as well. 

My anxiety triggers are common place throughout the day as an HSP, I find.   The only way that I ground myself aside from my senses is through breath work and positive affirmations through my yoga and walks. Being in nature and following my breath while talking to a walking buddy helps me unwind mindfully and helps me slow down from an otherwise fast paced mind activity. The slowing down with my breath is a conscious effort and constant reminder and my only friend that comes with me everywhere which I can rely on anywhere. Minding my breathing and slowing down my breathing to deep breaths when I feel overwhelmed tends to happen over the length of the walk or yoga practice and is usually spread across more 20-30mins of the practice. Even as I write this I had to slow down and deep breathe after my mind speeds up in its own anxious ways. 

My HSP personality gives me the ability to empathize and connect with people in a compassionate and harmonious manner. This leads me to spend time caregiving naturally and effectively. Nourishing this aspect of me and playing to my strengths makes me feel I make a good therapist. This is something my prior clients have mentioned as well during several of their sessions. Noting this side of me needs more stimulation, I tend to take care of myself better through the rest of my day with my coping mechanisms outside work. Through work too I tend to ground myself through my senses and through the conversations, where active listening is how I tune into my clients. Reflections and summaries throughout helps me stay on track with the client and engage in positive inquiry. Engaging in this kind of therapeutic interventions relying on the therapeutic relationship heavily I build rapport with clients slowly and steadily. Nurturing relationships have always been a strength of mine and would continue to build these genuine relationships throughout my life. I cherish these as I go and will treasure them for life. 

Taking mindful breaks from social media especially from posting regular to a story or feed this year has helped me to allocate that time for other things like a longer yoga routine with some meditation. Some more time with a walking buddy as well. This helps me relax and unwind effectively at the end of the day and not go into another day with that energy of I need to do more as I saw and compared myself with others more attitude that generally tends to seep in from the social media world. The comparison of things with people has been something I’ve made peace with and strictly stay away from. I tend to use social media for networking with fellow therapists and uplift people with positive messages. Using social media for one’s benefit has helped me feel more connected with my friends even on a level that feels comfortable to me and my friends. I choose to explore on dance and music and food for the family on social media and that keeps me on track with what I choose to see on social media that would keep me away from negative messaging. I do so on instagram and LinkedIn so my words and thoughts align with positivity and progress oriented messaging for myself and my friends. Keeping a fine balance on how much time I spend on social media has kept me honest in how I spend my effective time with my life activities as well.