Sitting with the discomfort of letting go control is something I continue to practice on a daily basis. It is a process of conscious awareness of my own bodily sensations and urges to act on something or overthink about the doing part, usually a decision making process laden activity. The overthinking in me is usually an indicator that my anxiety is calling attention to something in my life that maybe in reality amiss. I then go ahead and assess whether it is in my realm of control or not. Most often it is and sometimes it is not. For the latter situation, I continue to sit with the discomfort until the angst to resolve the situation subsides, surfing the ride of urge to act on that sensation inside me arise. At this time I find a way to process during a nature walk with a walking buddy, as I need the connection of my mind and body through exercise of some format be it nature walk or yoga at the end of the day, where I connect my breath with movement. I acknowledge that I’m overthinking by catching myself going in a circle of thoughts that don’t resolve on its own. So I find a way to break the cycle or change my attitude towards that issue at hand. Once I have changed my attitude towards the issue at hand and made peace with the fact that I can not change the situation in anyway, I take a step back and affirm for myself that things are the way they are and I’m ok still. With this I find a calming drink like a warm tea and listen to calming music usually spiritual music and center myself. With my cultural roots and spiritual side satiated, I feel more centered and calm in the moment and learn to let go that way in the moment.
Sometimes surrender is hard for me and that is when I look for real life inspirations and spiritual teachings and stories of other living beings in other challenges in life. I take those lessons and imbibe them into mine and feel like there is hope. It is a perspective shift. The attitude adjustment I need in looking at other good natured beings who have lived life fully amidst their own challenges and take the cues from there to learn to surrender to the nature of life itself. Learning about Stephen Hawking’s life has been inspirational now. Sitting with this life lesson is enough for me to get out of bed and have a good rest of today. I feel thankful for this life and the purpose to continue this self-exploration for my own benefit and that of my family’s and my kids. I am thankful for this moment as is and let go of the need to control anything. I’ll do my best in my response to circumstances and see where I can do the best in living this moment the best way I can.
When there is anger around me, I tend to take it as a reflection of the other person’s angst. I try and understand where they are coming from. On the other hand for my own personal mental space, I goto a valley of retreat to the time out time to recoup before reconnecting. This valley is the lowest vessel for me to contain my own angst in the moment of interaction. This metaphorical valley has been the healing center for me currently. I stay in a state of receptivity of positivity and fill my valley with positive experiences little by little until I find my way up to the current reality to interact with friends and family and community members at specific parts of the day which lets me identify opportunities to engage positively while still working on the valley of healing vessel, which is me.
As the mild knowledge of matter and anti-matter surfaces, I acknowledge the nothingness within me that has taken space and allow it to stay in the now. This way I observe that which is not there and appreciate that nothingness. That stillness of time and space gives me clarity in that breathe. That is the slowing down I reap for and that I can sense when I connect to calming music in the background, follow my breath and sit with the nothingness of time and space. It is deep, profound and meaningful and this is the meditative space I sit in during yoga and with a warm tea in the evenings and weekends. This is the meditative space I sit in when I’m watching my kids play at home or in the park. It is an essence of life so far that I admire and appreciate for its beauty and presence. It is a calmness in the chaos so to speak. When I see things this way, I’m able to pull stress out of the equation. Living and flowing with the moment need not be so stressful as it is portrayed in wide media. I feel centered and honestly thankful for this realization.