Understanding that sometimes I can be misattuned within my relationships helps me note that there is awareness brought to this autonomic experience as per Deb Dana in Polyvagal Theory in Therapy book. When there is a pause to reflect there is a sense of safety and I get to understand there is a space to feel the adaptive nature of survival to actually an attempt at thriving. When I get a chance to reflect I allow myself permission to navigate the stressors by creating that pause and catch a break for myself. The nurturing in this moment in itself is a self-care. I feel my voice heard within myself and allow myself to narrate my self-experience and empower myself in the process.

The ability to connect to the author of a book helps me feel seen and validated in their experience in an asynchronous passive self-care way. This allows me to feel coregulated in a way although in a live social experience but an offline interaction of sorts. These passive self-care avenues are very important especially when the depression hits hard. These allow for the space to feel safer than what it was in the survival stress of fight or flight or freeze mode.

Naming this is important and allowing the care for ourselves can be very different at different times and gives us the opportunity to connect with different parts of our selves in moments of need. I get to connect over the book within the relationship and that helps me mend the relationship in context of the book and I bridge the gap in our communication in that way. As an introvert this works for me to connect over books within my relationships. Helps retain my social battery for when I feel safe to reenter the social world as well.